[Tara K]

Hello Spyce,
Thanks for reaching out again. I actually wasn’t ignoring all you said, I kind of took a step back to let everything you said absorb. I also had a lot of other outside influences going on as well. I think I’m learning I should probably communicate a little better. I’m so use to just going inward and running away instead of communicating my need to retreat for a while. It’s part of my shadow work that I’ve been doing, part of the things I project onto others. I appreciate all you said and I know you’ve been there and it sounds like you learned your lesson the hard way and you want to help me avoid all the heartache. But here’s the thing, the relationship rewrite is actually a product that is being sold to help women do just that, try and help her “convince” or “manipulate” her man into thinking she’s the one he should be with. I understand what this is, and that’s always been a little part of my own dilemma, as a strong feminine, can I go after this man while he’s with another woman? Do I want to be THAT person? I’ve also been asking myself if he’s weak of mind or is this the way men think? The program seems to elude to the fact that yes this is the way men think. I have a lot of male friends and I also believe that yes, this is how they think. They follow a story line and then run with it. Granted some men don’t do that and I have a friend, Al who is also an ex, who for the most part isn’t like that, but then again he is. Al is a man who is very much in his power, doesn’t use people and is very very kind. We didn’t work because we’re simply not compatible, we drove each other crazy in a romantic connection. We remained friends after we broke up but lately we talked about becoming “friend with benefits” neither one of us ever did that before and we had open discussions about if we should try it and we decided we were going to. Well I got into my head about Brian and Al was my sounding board and we both knew I wasn’t in the headspace for that at this time. In the mean time his other friend of 6 years confessed her true feelings for him they became romantically involved. He told me tonight and because of who we both are, neither one of us are comfortable with opening up to that type of relationship. Tonight was bittersweet because I hugged him tightly, told him I love him and I energetically released him. I love him so much and I want him to be happy because I know he belongs with her. The universe is a funny thing, all the things it shows me in so many many ways and it’s a lot to process. I know you said how I was “twisting around the meaning I put out there in order to suit your (my) narrative” and maybe to most people that’s true. But my personal beliefs are deeper than that. I follow signs and synchronicities, in fact I ask for them. I always have and when I do so with the intention of doing things for my highest and greatest good, and for the good of all, I’m usually steered in the right direction. To be perfectly honest, I don’t really have other things to follow, spirit has always been my leader and without it, frankly I would have killed myself years ago. Sometimes that’s all I have. These days, it’s not enough, I want and deserve a real living human connection, and I know Brian isn’t the only gig in town, and I’m still a little unclear if I should pursue it or not. I’m conflicted and I know I’ll make the right choice. Anyway, there is still so much I have to sort out and tonight I had to say goodbye to an old lover and I’m not ready to include Brian in that mix even though these days I’m leaning more toward that direction. I hope whatever I chose I find peace.

Thanks again,
Tara xoxo

PS please don’t stop reaching out to me as a part of me is still a little lost and very sad. I guess this is me learning to ask for help and its not easy for me because I’m still learning to do the self love thing and someone wise told me asking for help is part of self care and self love.

[Tara K]

Hey Spyce,
Ok now that I have some time, I can respond properly. I appreciate your compliments about the past with my ex-wife, but I did actually feel like I was less than and unworthy of being a woman. I went down a rabbit hole of self deprecation and depression yet I also felt the need to protect my best friend who needed me and I couldn’t let her go through this alone, so most of my feelings were suffered in silence. We did argue and I fought it at first but then I thought, how can I stop this person from being who they authentically are? Then I reflected who am I? I asked myself if I was secretly a lesbian and chose her because on some level I “knew” but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. After soul searching I learned that wasn’t the case as I am in fact a straight female. I did have some homophobia but I guess coming face to face with considering if you’re secretly homosexual will help you get over that, lol. I’m not blameless for hurting her, or being extremely angry, but I knew that there was more here than just how I felt about it and honestly I felt I was being selfish because I knew I had to come out of this in tact and the only way I could do that was to forgive her and myself. I found acceptance but the trauma and the damage it caused is still very much alive and Im still healing it. I’m honestly not sure if I’ll ever “be over” what could have been and the feeling that I actually married my best friend only to have to watch the man I love die to blossom into this amazing and beautiful woman. It’s both heartbreaking and fills me with such joy that she chose me to help her along this journey.

So now onto Brian, the fact that you even mentioned that he’s my twin flame is just another way the universe confirms this for me. I mean talk about hitting you in the face, why are YOU the coach who reached out to me and offered help (you know that’s not really a question). He’s spiritual on his own and has been his entire life. We’ve lived parallel lives and I know that the universe put him into my life because I called for my divine partner and he definitely answered my call. So now that you understand who he is to me and who I am to him, how do I work with what I have, heal the blocks that are between us so we can get back to business of building an amazing life together without interference? “Twin Flame” has so many different interpretations of it and I never heard of yours. My understanding is more like 1 party holds the divine feminine while the other holds the divine masculine energy and when they align they create perfect balance, have unconditional love for each other and are able to heal themselves, each other and raise the vibration of the planet and help the collective consciousness. Most start off story book, then separate, work on themselves, then come back to union. We me in Dec 2020 and dated only 3 months before we broke up. In that short time we felt and still feel the love of lifetimes together. I understand your concern for me, but I have to try to reconcile with this man. If I don’t I’ll never forgive myself or stop the “what if’s.”

With all that being said, I also want to share that a part of me is a skeptic even though I’ve had more spiritual and “unexplainable” experiences since I was born, I’m also a medium and have been able to communicate with the spirit world since I was a child, but doubt keeps me in check. I always felt it helps to keep me on this side of the universe, lol. I recently had my metaphysical doctor do some work on me and I asked her to help me with Brian. She told me we had 16 past lives together, this is our 17th go around, we were never married or even related. She told me we are so much alike and we even have some of the same purpose. We came into this life to learn to grow into who we are authentically and know it’s safe to do so. She told me that I stay under the radar and as soon as I start to feel good, my warning signs go off and I start to self sabotage. She told me he is a little more daring than I am, but she told me that we can help each other by moving a little further and tell each other its safe to feel that good and to keep going. I think we started to do that but I panicked and did exactly the self sabotage which I normally do. We both ran away from each other and now he’s continuing to run away. So now what? How do I go from being ‘friend” status to girlfriend status and can I do this while he’s claiming this other woman is his true divine counterpart? I believe the relationship rewrite can work for me as this helps me to understand the psychology and the nature of the human mind, and the male mind in particular. So what’s my next step?

PS some of this I wrote before I read your response. I would also like to commend you on your journey and recognize you as another powerful divine feminine who has been through your own trials and tribulations and came out on top! KUDOS!!!!

Tara xoxo

[Tara K]

Hi Spyce,
I don’t have a lot of time to reply all I want to but I had to say something. I’m 49, he’s 51. Our birthdays are 1 day apart, another synchronicity as we have many. Im sitting here shaking my head in how amazing this universe is because not only do I know about the twin flame energy, but I’m also an intuitive tarot card reader and I base my practice on the divine counterpart/twin flame journey. Yes I believe he’s my divine counterpart for sure and at one point he felt the same way. I’m interested to hear all you have to say so please continue. I’ll write more when I get home from work tonight.

Tara 🙂

[Tara K]

Hello Spyce,
Thank you so much for reaching out. I will give you a little background. I was married for 16 years which ended on good terms because my ex is actually transgender. She is a male to female person and we decided to end The marriage part of our relationship because I am in fact a straight woman and she is not. We still are family to each other and I feel like I have a sister out of the deal, so we are very close. I have lived on my own now for about four years, But our marriage ended about six years ago. I have dated a couple of guys since then and one of them lasted about a year only we were not really compatible nor in love with each other so I remain friends with him. The man I’m talking about now we met online. Oddly enough he didn’t really do online dating but his ex-girlfriend (who was trying to get back together with him then) told him to give it a chance, not sure of what her strategy but it back fired. I’ve been doing online dating since my marriage ended but I use it differently than other people. I usually wait several conversations to give out my phone number, this helps weed out the men who are interested in just sex, the ones who I know I’ll never have a deep conversation with or the ones who turn out to be creepy. When Brian reached out to me our conversation was effortless and I actually gave him my number right away. After we dated a while, he told me a story of how he saw me online and he knew I was the one for him. In fact when he first saw me I was talking to another man so my energy was wrapped up with that guy. Brian said he couldn’t get his mind off of me so he looked for me again and somehow he couldn’t find me when he searched even though he put in my parameters. He looked for me all week but yet I was not there and he thought “shoot I lost her.” He also thought that I probably blocked him but he promised himself just in case I happened to pop up he wouldn’t miss an opportunity and he would reach out to me. All this was happening while I was talking to the other man. Well I got stood up and ghosted so I decided to put online dating down, but the next day I was called to go on again with a different approach. I decided to go on to just talk to somebody and create a conversation and see what happens. That was the night that Brian searched again for me and I was available. He said he jumped at the chance to start a conversation and I actually answered him right away and that’s how our relationship started.
I walk a spiritual path as well as a self reflective healing journey that I’ve been on for quite some time. Before I met Brian I asked the universe to send me my divine counterpart, my divine masculine as I step in to my divine feminine energy. I felt called to this when my marriage ended as I know there’s so much more to a spiritual relationship, one that is mind/body/soul and I know the universe answered the call with Brian. There is so much more to our story and it almost seems like one miracle after the other. He has a transgender son and with my experience of my ex-wife I know exactly what it takes to help this child. He’s in the middle of a messy divorce, Which for me I gave him a little bit of leeway because he’s been out on his own for two years now. Some of the things that make him perfect for me are the way we connect with our conversations. We have such deep meaningful conversations like I’ve never had before. It goes beyond the typical regular connection, this was almost like a melding of the mind, like a yin/yang of mind/body and spirit. We have so many ways we connect and neither one of us seem to be able to let the other one go completely even though he’s interested in this other woman. I’m not sure this gives you the info you need, but I know I told you a lot. I still don’t know how to proceed to winning back his heart.

Looking forward to your input,
Tara

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