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There are lots of reasons I would want to date myself if I were another person. I’m extremely generous. I’ve been called a genius, but I’m always learning. I speak three languages and play the cello. I work really hard, and I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles to get to where I am. I think outside the box and find really creative solutions to problems. And I’m fun! I listen to whatever music makes me feel good no matter how old, how silly, how cheesy, how simple (or complex) it may be. To be around me is to have an interesting life and to find the fun in simple things.
As far as appearance goes, I’m not a trophy or a head-turner, but I’m definitely pretty at a glance and beautiful when you take a moment to appreciate me. No one should be embarrassed to hold hands with me in public. As a matter of fact, the average guy should be proud to be seen with me. Behind closed doors, I’m incredibly sexy even if I seem plain nor modest in public. I’m pretty awesome!
I think that it’s circumstance. I’m black in a circle of white friends. I’m fat in a cohort of dancers. There’s always someone more attractive to notice. Maybe if I’m being noticed, people don’t see me as a potential partner.
Online, men can “swipe right” with very little risk or commitment. I get more takers there because all it takes is the tiniest bit of interest to have someone swipe right on me as a maybe. Then, when it ends up being a match, they just give me a chance and say “She’s not so bad.” That’s wonderful, but that level of initial interest hasn’t yet sustained anyone’s interest long enough for him to make a commitment.
I think, “Ok. Online dating isn’t really connecting me with many relationship-minded guys. I’ll just have to meet someone in person.” But then, the problems I described in paragraph one come into play.
About a week ago, one of my male friends and I were talking about this topic, and when I complained about how much competition I face in the dating world and what I have to offer, he said, “Sure, you have competition, but there are people in the pool who have monumentally less to offer than you do.” The documentary have me a few more reasons to believe that.
I still feel that my appearance will affect my ability to attract people in person (instead of just online), but I’m not as angry with myself for not being able to lose weight. If I’m not drawing people in, it may be because they’ve been brainwashed by some of the media the film talked about.
I do feel a bit sad and scared about turning 29 later this month. I’m embarrassed that I haven’t married yet or had any promising relationships. It feels as the odds are stacking up against me more and more. I know that the person I am right now isn’t unloveable, but it seems as if there is a lot keeping people from seeing me and giving me a chance.
Thank you, Heidi. I read the article. Then I purchased and watched the documentary on YouTube. They were both very inspiring.
Moderators, you have permission to just delete this. No one’s going to answer, and I feel stupid just having it sit here.
I’m sorry if I posted something that wasn’t answerable.
Hello, Heidi,
I’m a little off-topic, but I wanted to post in a thread that is actually being read and responded to. Do all of the forum topics/questions get responses?
I read this in the FAQs: “Any member of our Be Irresistible Insiders Monthly Club can post questions in our private community forum where our relationship experts will reply to your question.” I may have misunderstood things, and I’m looking for clarification to know whether this membership offers what I need.
Candace
This is really good advice. I’m not 100% sure how to keep it from affecting my self-esteem because I keep thinking that if I were prettier and skinnier, I would be the type of girl men would chase.
